Sunday, December 28, 2008

To use or be used..


How did this happen I keep on wondering. From the one to the other. It's all a big pile of questions! Is it me that have to change..?

After a Christmas back home in Tønsberg, it's good to be in my own home here in Oslo for a couple of days.
And suddenly I'm on my way back to Tønsberg again, celebrating New Years Eve with my girls!
So to all a Happy New Year!!

Catch you on the flip side..



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas tree <3

The day before Christmas..

In the dark on the 23th of December. I'm sitting here all by myself at work. The candles are lit and some people are swimming! And yes, it's 07:50 am, so I'm pretty impressed on this day!

And this is the last day before my Christmas holiday. I'm leaving for Tønsberg in the evening. And I must say that I'm looking forward to coming home to my mom this Christmas. I haven't celebrated Christmas at home since 2005, so it'll be good being home with my family. And the presents are in order as well, so I hope they'll be happy this year!

So to all a MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Monday, December 22, 2008

Christmas chocolate



I got this from one of my costumer at work. He made my day!
Thank you and Merry Christmas!



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

People and promises..

I must say that I really don't trust anyone anymore. Some people have made me become a little pessimistic towards others. Because they tend to promise things and not keep them!

For the record, I'm really an optimistic lady and you who knows me know that! But lately I've been disappointed by a lot of different people. And the only thing I know how to do then is to shut them out of my life. So that's what I do and will keep on doing! I'm sick and tired of being on 2.place, so now it's the time for me to step up my game and get the credit I deserve!
This maybe sounds a bit harsh, but if you were in my shoes you would understand it! And do remember that I do need attention from time to time. Even tho I tell you all that everything is alright, that's not always true.

OK, so that was my blowout this morning! And now I'm back to my happy and optimistic self. Christmas is around the corner and I'm looking forward to coming home to my mom and seeing the rest of my family!



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Sunday, December 21, 2008

WTF!?!

Crazy things happen when the night comes. Especially when it's Saturday! And even when I changed my phone number.

So this guy sent me an sms before.. Asking if I wanted a round and if I was Pia! Hey, to say to you Thomas - NOT A GOOD MOVE! When you send an sms to someone who's not the person you think. Don't say anything more!!

Anything that's just a little incident from my life this weekend.
Friday I sat her alone, Lena is at her parents in Kongsvinger. So I moved my little ass to Edin's and chilled out there, with some shit talk and a little drank on. When I was gonna go home, the rain pored down! But just before that the snow fell down - oh this schizo weather here in Oslo! So I stood outside in the alley and waited for a taxi to come. And it did actually, so I got myself home safe and sound!

During the day we had Christmas lunch at work and Monica and I was dining out at Far East. It's an Thai-Vietnamese restaurant here in Oslo. I love, love, love their food! Yesterday we eat duck and it was delicious! For you who haven't been there yet, there's a link in the headline! And go there!
Monica I've known for about four years now. We've worked together before. Now she is pregnant and engage with a good man, Alex. So next year is a huge year for them. They're gonna be parents in the spring, supposedly around th 25th on February and get married on the 25th of July up north in Norway.
So I took her back home here, to show here my "new" crib and give her her Christmas present.

And then it was Saturday and I slept in for once! It felt so good, just sleep until I wake up and feel rested. I haven't done so much today really. Just whimsied and a little grocery shopping. But I had a dinner date. You tell me how that went! But I had a good time.. So time will tell..

But I'm happy and kind of satisfied, but still missing the spirit of Christmas. It rained yesterday, where did the white Christmas go?
And now my good friend Synne called. MAN, and reminded me of something that happened years ago. Something with a broken bed.. HAHA! I guess I know now that I'm getting some years on my back!
And when I go home to my mom, Synne and I am going out and do Tønsberg! Like we always do when we meet! It's the good old days when we meet. We known each other since 4th grade or something like that. So she knows me well!

And now it's good night for this Lady. But first, Wolverine aka SaniSan in SanFran, we're gonna do Oslo for real when you come home!! Miss you loads!!



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Friday, December 19, 2008

Christmas Circus..


Now it's the time to get into spirit. As for myself I have a bit to go just yet. But the cookies and candy are in it's place! And for the gifts that's another story peoples!

Yesterday Lena and I was out shopping and as always I ended up buying a lot of stuff for myself. I did buy some gifts, but I guess it is time to realize that gift's aren't my strongest side! I wish it was. But maybe it's that I'm fastidious?! It's not that I demand the perfect gift, but when I buy something for another person I want that person to be happy. And yes, maybe they always are. But I don't know..
Anyways i bought some, to my mom, sister and Monica. I still got my brother left. It's hard buying something for an 18 year old. But I have a little idea of what. But they didn't have it in the store. so I wait. And you know how patient I am! MAN!
And all these people who run around the city crazy for not getting it all done in time. You walk in line, stand in line and think in line. It kind of reminds me of a circus sometimes! Nevertheless all the cry babies. And that's not all meant for the babies, it's the ones whom are a little elder you know.
At times it seems like Christmas always brings out the craziness, but don't get me wrong. It's good times too!

As I work at a gym I see all the early bird special peoples who actually do exercise in the morning, and we're talking 7am peoples! I admire all of you who actually get your asses up and running so early. Yes I'm here too, but I just sit here and smile.

And so comes Christmas, every year it sneaks up on me. Like I didn't know it and suddenly it's here.

This year Christmas is not the same, it's the first one without dad. Not that we haven't celebrated Christmas without him before. He was a Captain on a boat, so he had every other summer and Christmas at home. But it's different this year around, because he's not coming back at all. I'm sad, but I know that he's in peace now and that helps me trough the days. And he wouldn't wish that I'd go around and be sad all the time either. He just wants me to be happy and do my best. And I do think a lot about him and the rest of my family. It's sad not having a dad to ask for advice. But I still have my mom and other family around me. But when I see others with their dads and TV-shows and what not I feel it in my stomach! Like a big stone just sinking down trough my insides!
I miss and love you dad!!

But I know that everything will be alright, like the song from The Killers.



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Why do men act differently after sex?!?


So my fellow women out there, have you ever thought about this. Yesterday Elisa, one of my colleagues said to me. "You have noticed that men tend do act differently after sex?"

And when I come to think about this, it is actually true! We women often hear that it is us that get to attached after a night between the sheets. But as conversations do envelope and time goes by it has come to my understanding that it is you guys that struggle with what is what. I know that it does not mean all of you. But you have to admit that after you have slept with a woman you act differently.
As for my own experience I must say that it is something in it. Some of you change drastically over night. But why is it so?

So enlighten me with some thoughts on this subject and let the us know what is really going on.



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Monday, December 15, 2008

What do you want?


Is it me that not remember or is it that you are unclear? Never the less is it hard to know what is really going on. In fact I think I am misunderstood in a lot of ways.

Weirdness is something that is truly and clearly a part of me. Not before I have opened my mouth I hear what I am saying. And sometimes it does come out wrong. But I just say what is in my heart. It is sometimes hard to see what is real and what is not. But there is nothing wrong with asking or uttering your opinions. You guys should not think that we ask questions because we want you to commit there and then. But because we want to see what is what and what else we can do. For sitting around waiting for someone to make up their mind can take a while.

As for myself I can say that waiting is not my strongest side. So if you want to get a hold of me, just take the chance!



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Friday, December 12, 2008

Life..


So it goes on by itself. Takes a new suit on and just run away. Sometimes it is a little scary. But I do love everything about it.

Yesterday was my birthday and I had a super day! Johanne, Lena and I dined out at Curry & Ketchup in Kirkeveien, Majorstuen. I love this restaurant for the mellow, grounded atmosphere. But the service yesterday was so crappy that it made us not wanna go back again. Remember all of your guests when you run a restaurant!
But the food is so good there and it is cheap as well!

After wining and dining we moved out little asses back home to the crib for more wining. Johanne and I was going to the N.E.R.D. concert at Sentrum Scene and then Nobels Peace awards After party at SIRKUS. The concert was rockin', the guys did a good show! And SIRKUS is cool. We danced the night away and drank some too!
And tonight it is the official opening for SIRKUS and Fingern's birthday party. So we will dance the night away tonight as well, Johanne and I.
So as you see I go in my 27th year with dancing and socializing!

And my foot is still hurt, I have a splint attached to it. So I walk around in turtle tempo. But do not be fooled by the slow people.

So watch out Oslo, for the Ladies tonight ;)!!


Copyright ® 2008 Lady AhY

Tuesday, December 09, 2008

December


The winter takes form and the cold air is all around me. I faced the ice the other day, and the result from that is a sprained ankle and crutches. But I am still smiling and happy even tho I am humping my way around.

But December is a month filled with a lot of good stuff and food! It is one of my favorites. People tend to chill out and smell the roses. And some even notice that it exists people around them and smile to them. It is always nice to be met with a smile. The worst thing is people who do not smile. It is not hard and you can make a day brighter for another person. It is so easy, so come on!

Anyways it is the last month in 2008 and it is also my birthday on the 11th. I will then be 27, so give it to me good! The year that has passed has been a good one in many ways. I got a job that I like, met a lot people and made some good friends that I always will have close to my heart and love! And I recently moved to Vika with Lena.
Tho I have been through rough times this years, my dad died the 1th of October and that is hard for me and my family. I miss him so much and had a break down the other day. I saw a TV-show where the father comforted his daughter and it just hit me in the heart and I started to cry a little.
This show, Friday Night Lights, is a warm show with a lot of heart. It is one show to watch!

As far as my love life goes.. The time will show what is in store for me! And to be honest it is a little crazy at the moment. It is all these men who resurface.
I can say that I am ready for a real relationship, but you have to show me that you are real! One of my flaws is that I quickly lose focus and just move on. I do not dwell on things or situations. And I am good at just going back inside my world like nothing has happened. But this should maybe be a sign for not being interested!
But I think life is interesting, and that it serves you a lot of opportunities and chances if you just take them. Never the less is it sad to regret over things or stuff I did not do or say when I get older.

So now I sit here at work, with my leg on the counter and a pain that is not good can I say. But still happy. It is soon Christmas and then New Years, and suddenly it is 2009. So hang on to yourself and shake it down! This is the time for craziness and fun. Bring out your happy spirits and make someone smile!



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Get your act together...


Why is it so hard, seeing this for what it is? But is it different this time around? Are you real with me?

Do not come here thinking that I will not react. Things happens fast and sometimes my mind just mess things up. But I will hang around waiting to see what this is. Not losing all my focus, but keeping some on you. Never the less, give a little bit more of myself maybe that is a start. I know there are things that I do wrong, but hey come on. I am in this with you, so give me some slack dude. And you are no one to talk. Leaving me hanging like that!

No this time around we will do this my way, with my rules and regulations! But I am easy going. Just tell me what is up and be real! And yeah, I do need attention and quality time, but I want you to get that yourself. But I love my freedom, so please do not take that away from me little man! And I am not much of an arguer, so I will keep silent instead of hustling you with a shit storm.
I know that you want time to get to know me and you will get that. But I just have to say this so you will not disappear from my life again!

So give me a hint now - is it for real this time around. I will not spook you. You do that perfectly yourself dude.. But I am here, now!



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

"To digg or not to digg..."

When I think I know - my whole world get turned upside down again. And my heart skips a beat!

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."

I know a dude that has this quote tattooed on his arm. I like this quote, i summons up a life in a sentence! This is how you should think about life!

Anyways back to the "digging". I do not know about you all, but it is never easy liking someone. The unspeakable question here is, when do I know that he is "digging" me back? And can you trust another person with your heart?
I can only speak for myself in this matter, so you are welcome to comment here!
There is with a little doubt in my voice that I say that I can only trust myself. Because there has been incidents where others have shown themselves trustworthy to me. But when it comes to love I must say that I am a little skeptic. So i am trying not to be that. Opening my heart and letting people in.
I bought these luck charm things to carry with me for different reasons. some for love, some for warmth, for enchantment and for keeping me happy and smiling.

But do they work? Time will tell...



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Thursday, November 27, 2008

For all the men out there..


When a woman give you a shit storm it is not because she is angry. Most of the times it is because she is in love. But sometimes you really deserve it!

There are so many various reasons for us women to go over "the edge", really guys. But you are not innocent in this matter! Sometimes I wish that you just were honest. Yes, we ladies also make this mistake. So we are no better in that matter. And we have a tendency to over analyze things. Even tho we are smart and awake we do this to ourselves every time. So if someone could tell us why we have to do this, it would make my day!

And you are really something for yourselves you guys. When we think we got you, we do not. And when we think we got rid of you, we have not! It is a eternal puzzle this game. And I do not feel that I am any smarter than I was ten years ago. So sorry to all the ladies out here that think that you got the hang of it. Because, that is not the case! Sometimes we do, but there is things we ladies think that just is not right. Where these thoughts come from, I got no idea. But they sure pop in my head form time to time.

As for myself I am a free spirit, who needs my space and freedom. But to have the big L in my life is also something that I will!
So keep up fate and believe - it will happen!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

It is snowing..

The snow, the snow is falling here in Oslo!
Slowly and white from the sky it is falling.
White on the road and sidewalks it is lying.
Waiting for all of the flakes to come down.

Now there is time to stay inside with your sweetheart.
Chill out and just be for the moment!

Live and Love!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Loneliness

Living alone is something a lot of people do in our world today. If it is by their own choice or not, no one knows for sure. But as for myself, I would not choose that for me.

As I grow more years on my back and the time slips away, I sometimes feel a little lonely. There is times that I would love to be a twosome for real! But sometimes it is oh so good to be alone. Or just have the freedom! I love my freedom and hate when I feel trapped. Of course it depends on what kind of trapped and what I get out of it myself. But I think that every person needs their freedom and own space. Just to feel alive and spread their wings a little. It is also smart to not be to square, but soften up and chill out more.

I know that I from time till time go inside myself and hide out. Because I need "me-time", just to recharge and reboot. It is not an easy life to live, but it is a time that we should appreciate and do the most of. Just try to make the time worth while when you are alive.
People are often lonely from various reasons like illness, death, disputes, single life and by choice.


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Monday, November 24, 2008

What to do?

How to make the right choice? And when do you know it is right? How can we make a decision for the rest of our lives?

I think that we all have doubts from time to time. And that the panic attacks comes in waves. I know that I have had a few these last days. So why? When it all comes easy and I should be satisfied, I am not. Is it that I am out for drama? The game is suddenly gone in some way. And it looks a little boring from my point of view. But is this reality or is it just in my head?
And I do think that things should be easy. There should not be confusions and misunderstandings. But what if I do not remember what is what any more. Is the feeling i got in my stomach happiness or doubts?

So I think that maybe I should just let things happen naturally this time around. Just be the lady and chill out.



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Thursday, November 20, 2008

This time..

My body, mind and soul feels weird. It is like something is wrong. I guess it is just that I am in a bad place at the moment.

My inside feels like it will explode soon. I have a lot on my mind these days. And just for the time being it feels like I got no one to talk to! I know that that is not the case. But I do feel lonely. And the twist here is that I love being in my own company. It is not a good feeling, this loneliness-when-there-is-people-around-me-feeling. It is like a panic attack times 100!
So maybe it is my consciousness telling me to chill out and take a deep breath. I know from before that I do stress sometimes. I have an active persona that almost always is "up-there". I use a lot of energy! It can translate to, I eat a lot. And there is nothing wrong with that!

All the good things in life comes trough food! So to get trough to me, guess what - yes!

Where does all the people go? Just take a look around you and smile!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

For the time being..

What is going on? Oh, would you tell me please. It is nothing but a huge messy pile of thoughts and things. Sometimes I wish that it all could just go away.

I sit alone with myself in my humble home. Just wishing for someone to notice. I do not know what I really want. But as it as come to me neither does anybody else. Some people get angry for comments they should not be. What is up with that?
Free agents can do what they want, right?
And why hang around if you do not like me! Just tell me. I have a problem with seeing what is what sometimes. Like I "only" hear and remember negative shit! There are examples where I was in a happy place, but the memories are destroyed by all the negativity. How did this happen to me, that are one of the most optimistic ladies that one of you will ever meet?

I have a friend and with him I can be myself. I still have these restrictions inside me. But you still know who you are I hope! This is a real, not cryptic!

But I sometimes wish that someone could take me away with them. On the sky high of pure happiness and honesty. Just be the one that would take me by storm! And just so you know - I have been fucked up by other people! So it does take time. But the thing with my time, it moves fast.

But it is time to get some sleep and tomorrow it is a new day with new possibilities!

Stay real!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

A last goodbye..

Seeing you in the earth today. And I am going to Tønsberg to say my last goodbye to you for now. With sadness in my heart and soul this is where I leave you in this world.

But we will meet again. Like equals and be happy! So this one is for you DAD. Love you now and for ever!
Say hi to the others and tell them that it is all good and until we all meet again - take care!



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Why do we need another person?


When the scars healed we start all over again. And sometimes even before. Why do we do this to ourselves?

In my left palm I have a scar, from one night. But it is really something to remember I keep wondering and asking myself. Is it worth my time and devotion? I am kind of a whimsical person, but I am faithful to the people who deserve it. But I do have my doubts about certain people. Yes, and I do attach to people fast. I am certain in what I mean and how I feel. My flaw is that I am not "free" enough to let it out. I have a problem with intimacy, because of all the scars.

It is hard to know what you want? Why do you not just go for the good things that is in front of you. Just reach out your hand.

So I think I fucked up. I have done wrong and I do admit it! Sorry! But at times I have a problem with seeing what is real and what is not. But I know, no excuse!

And Sundays are for chilling with someone.. So why keep a person that is not willing to sacrifice Sundays?


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Friday, November 14, 2008

Touch Me..

This is the way it should be!
So if you guys remember this it should be pretty easy for you.

"Touch me while I'm touching you. And kiss me while I'm kissing you. And love me while I'm loving you. And do me while I'm doing you".

Never underestimate a tune! This one is a happy one and it will get your groove on!

So get your groove on and dance the night away!

Love


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Thursday, November 13, 2008

You and I...


So tell me what this is. Is it all just fake or is it real? You and I so insane and messy amazingly high. It feels like I am losing myself when you are not around.

My life and dreams are things I try to be excited about. But you make me think and the days just slip away. So when I lose my grip I doubt that I have taken the right choice. It is hard to know when it is right. Just because I do not know if this is for real. So if you could update me on what is what, that would make me happy.
The more people I speak with, the more unsure I have become. Or maybe everything just is in my head. I have this thing with thinking to much some times. Forgetting to take things for what it is worth.

But hey, I have to say that if the honesty is gone, what is left then? This feather like feeling gets me blown away. Sometimes I feel this, but sometimes I do not! Just forgetting how to live...


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Monday, November 10, 2008

Honesty

For the time being I do wonder about the honesty in people. Are they really what they say they are or is it all just a disguise?

How many stories is there about people who scam others? I saw an article about a rich woman being scammed by a gigolo! How can you be so stupid that you give away millions? I see that we should trust and see the good in people, but hey - do not be naive or stupid! And for you who are dishonest, get a grip!

Anyways, this comes back to yourselves some day. Like me, I am a little to fast to judge a situation. But that is because I do not always remember to trust my intuition! So from now, I will try to remember this!
The only thing I demand is honesty. If this is not something you can do, there is just no use for me in you life. We all have these "white-lies" and "short-cuts". But if you can not share your thoughts with your closest friends, who will ever listen?

I also have a few small things to sort out inside this head of mine. All my thoughts and analyzing will some day give me agony and headaches. And it is already a little bit to much. So I will chill and mellow down to save myself from hurting me...

Just remember it all comes out in the light some day!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Saturday, November 08, 2008

Girls nigth out..


It is Saturday and we are on the wagon. Drinking and chatting the night away. About it all and everything. How are it that we always end up talking about boys/men? Do you guys talk about us ladies that much?

The punch here is that we are a little different. Us ladies and you guys! Do not be fooled when we smile and act innocence. Ask questions and be a little curious on what really is going on here. Do not be afraid, but take the risk and go outside your comfort zone. You are missing out on so much these days that you would not even believe it.

How do you know when people are serious?

But we are not thinking about nothing today just out for fun! And for all this mystery - just fuck it! You are not mysterious, you are just stupid some times. And for as long as this friendship thing between guys and us women goes. It is a little different. Here we think we all just are friends and then we are not. Do you really want more or is it like we think?

And what about these pretty girls, is it all about how they look? We all like pretty things, but how long would you go?

Anyways - it is time to rock your world!


Copyright © 2008 Lady ahy

If This Ain't Love..

Then tell me what is. I wonder about what is going on in that little head of yours. So could you please open your heart and tell me?

"You can not change me, just tell me what is up and let me know.
So say what you want, because now is the time for you to realize.
And stop waisting your life. Take a change and be bold.
Let it rip and your feelings go.
Do not regret what you did not do or say.
Leave the world behind yourself today.
Do take charge over your own life.
And let the people around you know what is wrong. Just be strong".

I think that I might see things more clearly now. Or is it just fake all that I see? Does my mind play tricks on me or is it just me? So If you could read my mind, would you tell that to me? Would you be inside and outside at all times? All these question, but still no answer. Hey, do not be scared. It is just thoughts and letters. Do not let it get under your skin. Just take it in, think about it and then see what happens. For a time I have been in the shadow, but as I see it is time to come out in the light and play.

So if it is me, let me know!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Friday, November 07, 2008

Selfridged peoples..

It has come a few things to my mind. Amongst others that there are people who think more of themselves then they should! Some think that everything has to do with them and whenever someone say something it is directed towards them. And I have to say this is not appealing at all.

Some do just take everything personally and do not know when it is not meant for them. Others do put more into things than they should and think that it is about a person. So for now I have to say that this is just thoughts, questions and things rushing trough my mind. And maybe if you read between the lines sometimes or just get an understanding of the language i write in. This should not be foreign as we all speak, write and read English. So please just see what this is and not judge or presume something before you know it is for real.

I have been trough my share of both "relationshits" and other shit in life. And some of them are not even worth thinking about anymore. Though this can be taken wrong by a few of you that is not my intention. The hings I want you to know I say to your face. So if I do not, do not think that it is about any specific person. Very much is in general and from the inside of my twisted little world. But do not worry this will not effect any of you.
Just the one dude in my world!

But hey, do not think that I do not take things personally. I am actually maybe the worst ever. Because I always think the worst when it comes to my own life. But the tide will turn and it has to. If not it will just make me sad and angry and that is not something I want to be. I love this fire inside, the optimistic and positive soul within.


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Still waiting..

Is it all worth it in the end I wonder. All this agony inside and analyzing I do. Will it make the wait worth wile?

Still I do promise myself that I would set these boundaries and demand a certain respect. But maybe I am to fast to judge a situation? I often hear this from my mom, she says that I stress to much. So when I do take a deep breath and stop I see it clearly. This fast moving phase, like a shadow of reality. How can I always do this? Is it in my nature to chase?
But when I think about it, I also am patient. Like with the people whom I care for. I accept a lot, maybe sometimes to much. But I may have lost some time perspective. My mind is kind of in a haze. And my thoughts just fly away like the wind. As can I say for myself. I am really good at just moving on. Not looking back, but just ahead. Yes it could be the best thing or ability, but what about when I do it to fast. Certain things and situations in life could be different just with a click. What if I never was adopted. Would my life then be different from now? Would I still be my optimistic self? With my walk-trough-the-wall attitude and everything will be alright?

It seems sometimes that all I do in this life is waiting. But life is kind of a queue, is it not? You wait nine months before seeing the outside of the womb. Then you wait for schools, being a teenager, getting 18 or some countries 21, so work, finding a companion, starting a family and in the end to die. But in between we do this thing call life, take in experiences, meet friends and see the world for what it is. Some people do settle for less, but is really less more? Why be pleased with knowing that it could have been so much more. And when will I know that it is enough?

Is this my limit, have I reach it now this time around? Is this when I say fuck this and move on?


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

What are we?

So all this back and forth, I have to say it is kind of disturbing to me. Why can you not just be straight with what you want?

Is it hard, or maybe it is just me again? I have to say that I do start to doubt that it is me. Because I am not doing anything. Or maybe that is the problem. But for real, when you are a grown man you should know what you want. Or at least have the guts to try? Is it me that is mistaken. Do I really get it so wrong? Like every women I know we are all just struggling. Should we settle for less? And is less really more?
In my mind I do not think so. I think that we should be allowed to be who we truly are. The one should appreciate, or better to say, have to appreciate me for who I really am! And for the risk of sounding bold, I am one to appreciate. Yes I have my flaws, but on the inside I am good. And that is what counts in the end.

When do you know it is right? It is when the stars blink and the skies are pink?

And why do ex's stay in touch with you? Do they want to have control over your life or are they genuinely sincere and friendly? These are a few thoughts that fly around in this head of mine. Amongst all the other stuff, where does it all come from? I think it is time to sort out what is what and what is real!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Monday, November 03, 2008

lastfm.com


While I wait..

I do live this life and take in what is coming to me, so that I will not miss out on anything. So If you somehow do believe that my life is on pause - believe again!

In this life of mine I do experience a lot from a day till day basis. Sometimes it feels like time stands still and other times like it goes to fast. I have a mixed feeling about things. And it is all just things. But it is something to it I guess. A friend of mine is going to Africa for a whole month. Traveling with a group for three weeks! I have to say that I am a little jealous. How sweet would that be, just leaving for a month when it is cold and gray here in Oslo? But I do hope for snow, so I can make snow angels. And get a whiter day.
So while others travel the world and see these places I wait patiently and hope for me to see the world again soon.

I am saving for a trip to South Korea, have to say that I have not saved much yet. But I am not in a hurry. Like I said before, it is not a contest this life we live. I do this in my own way and in my own time. So for you who are in a hurry, chill, take it slow and let your soul rest. The only thing you get out of stress is more stress. And for as long as this relationship thing goes. I do not know really. Is it suppose to be what it is or you tell me?
From one to the other or just the one? That is the question today. It is all these people that keep coming back in my life. I do not know how to take it. But it is what it is and the future will tell. So here is the conclusion, I live my life and if someone wants to be a part of it, just stop me!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Friday, October 31, 2008

Is it us?

So I keep having all these questions on my mind. How is it all gonna end? Is this all? Will we meet our loved ones who has passed again?

Living in this world and trying to get by is a challenging case. We all struggle with different things and problems. Behind every face it is a story to tell. Some times I wonder how many people who has a sad story like experienced bad things. Or a positive, no struggling nor problems in their lives. When I see peoples in stores, outside and around I always wonder how they became who they are. What they have been trough and where they are going. And when you meet that certain someone. What is accepted behavior and what is not?

Letting people in your life is a huge deal. All the things you share and conversations you have. In life there should be a greater yourself and when you meet your significant other you get that. And in your friends you will even get a shine on yourself. So take good care of the people you love and want in your life. It is not a given that they will be here forever, so give it the best you got and let them know that you care.
And for my friends, family and coworkers, you are all fantastic people who makes it all much easier. I feel blessed who got these people in my life who brings out my best and positive self. I have gotten the question, where do I get my positive spirit from? And it is an easy answer. One day I said to myself that there is no use in being negative, so i decided to be happy!

But still I do not know what is going on. I am not sure or is it just that I am slow? But I have decided to stop being a paper chaser and just live my life! As for the freedom I crave and need to be me I get. It is a weird thing this situation. But I guess this is how it should be and i do love it! But now it is late and I have to put myself in bed and get some beauty sleep. It has been a great night with "Snowboard Awards Galla" and these lovely ladies and laughter! So to all good night and sweet dreams!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Mood

Now a days it is a little up side down. But it is getting better, my optimistic self is coming back. And the shifting i spoke about earlier is actually happening. Believe it or not!

I have all these dreams at night. Weird and real feeling. I wake up with my heart in my throat and do not know where I am. It is kind of scary, because I am used to know where i am at. There is rarely a day in life I doubt what I am doing. But since I lost my dad, I got this new insight in what life can bring. And that I have to stop and smell the violets. Chill out, tune in and just let my inner child come out and play. There is no use in trying to do to much. Because sometimes then I do get disappointed. I am not sure how you feel. But it is not giving me the inner peace that I want for myself.

So for the years to come I will remember to take it slow and not rush into things or situations. I would love for my life to just fall into the pieces, but what about all the fun in between? Is it possible to get what you want? Can I think myself into the life I would love to live? This is a possibility that I yet have to explore further. There are no certain answer to this yet, but as my years go on I will keep you posted. Do not regret on things and never wish you should, just do it! Let you intuition get you started and just take off. There is nothing that is to dumb, stupid or difficult for you to do. All the chances we get her in life, it would be stupid not to take them. Go outside your box and try new things. Think about everything you can experience and all the people you can meet and.

OK, so it can be difficult for some of you, I do get that. But just get down and let it rip. Do not be afraid for acting like a fool or fall on your ass. Let people around you know your mood and how you feel. I know for myself that it is not easy telling them how things really are. But if you just open your heart and try it will come.
And i get that waiting is something that comes with living this life.


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Is it me..

I keep wondering about all the incidents in life. Is it all written i stone? Are things happening for a reason. Do we meet people and miss out on stuff because there is a bigger meaning to it all?

I know that things happens because it is suppose to happen. But there is detours in life that make things go slower or just take another turn. But is it luck or is it what it is? This is a question that comes up from time to time. Whether you believe in faith or not. It will always go trough your mind once or more. I have to say that I do believe that things do happen for a reason. So think on that.
My mind do change itself some times, but in the end I am always left with the thought that it is what it is. I truly think that we end up in the situations we are suppose to be in. All the settings and people around you help us on our way. But in the end we are making our own destiny. So can you really make a person love you?

I have heard stories about girls who has literary thrown themselves after the person they want. And they have ended up with that certain someone too. But is that real love? Is it for ever? All these questions, but no one to answer them for me. I believe that in life you and I will get many chances to fall in love. To have a person that will accept you for who you truly are and love everything about you. I also know that this can take time, but like I said before, my patient sucks big time! With my wandering heart and mind I move on and forget what i feel. But someone who makes me feel real, that is what I am looking for. Never the less a person who will let me know that I am the one. I am from "The Sex And the City" generation. And in despite of stamping on some toes, we ladies are a mix of them ladies. In one we are all a little bit of everything. The thing is that I just want to fit in, somewhere, anywhere. Without having people questioning me and me questioning myself if I am acting like I should.
So if we could just fuck the game a little bit, be honest and sincere and then go back to the game with an new look on everything. It is easier to play a game, give it all if you know for sure. Not that I need the " I-love-you-till-death-do-us-part" part. Just the it-is-you-for-now-lets-see-whats-happens part. It would just be nice to have someone. But it is the "coulda, woulda, shoulda".

And oh, yes, I wrote earlier that I like someone, I still do. But I am kind of in a weird state of mind. I have this thing about rushing things in my head. And guess what, it is starting to take a part out of me. I lose myself, forget where I am from and who I really am. But this time around I will play the game. Because it is exciting and mysterious. So the ball is rolling and there is no way no one can stop it! I see this and know that it will fuck things up, not only things, but myself as well. But why live the life without the excitements and the games that comes with it. And I must say that in the end, loving someone it is the best thing in the whole world!

Sex, you can have with anybody. Real love is a secret thing. But you can not rush love...


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Monday, October 27, 2008

Patient

Time will tell what is up. Or is it that we all make our own destiny? Can we lose something on the way if we are not how we should be in certain situations.

I have this thing with over analyzing or to be clearer, see things in a whole other way. My brain just turn things around. Instead of remembering what has really happened. I just twist and turn it around until my mind see a different thing from what was the reality. And this thing you call patient, would you please teach me how this works. I am kind of black and white in that area. There is no in between and that bothers me a bit. I do not hustle anyone. I never make anyone do anything they do not want to do. I never nag. But I have to say that this waiting thing, it is not my thing. I do not like this at all!

Why is it so difficult to let someone know what is going on. Is it that I am not worth the time it takes to say it or is it that you just do not want to say it! The one thing I have to say against this is FUCK THIS! I do not wait for no one. I do not like losing control and that is what is happening now, so just forget about it. I also know that it is me, but I am not cut out for this.. This is how you lose me!

So now you all know how some things works inside the little and fucked up head of mine. It is extremely weird and complicated, I can see that now. In writing, here in front of me. It is what it is, nothing less, nothing more!

So just live your life, you are not getting younger...


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Is It You..

Why are things complicated, or is it really? Is it just that I am not used to things being easy. Is it that in my life there has always been struggle. So now when the pieces just fit it is hard to take it for what it is worth.

Will this then be my underground? My self digging struggle between what is reality and what is not. I am not sure what is what. But in the end I just have to trust the people around me. And believe that their intentions are good. Because if I do think otherwise I just get sad and hurt. But I have becoming extremely good at shutting things out. Like my feelings and people. I always had this conclusion that it is best to just move on. So I do. But sometimes I do judge a situation a little bit to fast. So I have to learn this. I see myself from outside and think why do I think these thoughts. It has never been my strongest side, showing my feelings and letting others know what I feel.

So this snaps me back to reality, it is cold and harsh. But it is hard for me to see the real you sometimes. Because my mind play these tricks on me. Like putting ideas in my head that are non existing. This is where I see why the people I know say that I am complicated. It is not something I choose to be. I try and try not to. But there is somethings that I just can not control. I am working with myself on this subject, so I am aware. And I know that it is something that will pass.

But sometimes I just feel left out. I get this feeling of not belonging anywhere. I do not like this. It gives me headaches and makes me sad and locked down. And when I do do this, go inside myself I see all the things that are bad. Yes, I do still love myself like I wrote earlier. Now more than ever. I am also more secure in myself. And I do know what I am capable of. But some people just do not see this I guess. My Insecurity and doubts. Because from the outside I am an independent lady with a voice that is heard. I have these meanings that would irritate a stone. But do not use this against me. I do, and I can swear on this. Accept people for who they are. I would never change a person nor would I want someone to be like me. I like the unique mix of people. The small things that makes you you. I just want this to work out. Now that I finally feel kind of complete. It gives me a satisfaction and peace inside that I have been searching for.

There is to much inside this head of mine from time to time. But when time passes and you learn to know me this will not be a problem. Even so it is not a problem now I know that. I just need conformations. Not all the time. Yes, and I do know that you can never promise anything for sure. But just the knowing of that it is you!


Copyright © 200 Lady AhY

Hate it!

People wait.. I do not! So sorry - just forget about it!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Winter time..

Here comes a new season. Every year it is the same. But it is still a surprise to everybody. The wind twirls and the leaves fall. But the colors, oh so beautiful!

I must say that this is the beginning of something great! This time around I hope I am smarter and more aware of whats coming to me. I have opened up my mind and soul for what is coming. Now I know what I have been searching for all these years. It is this thing we call love. The feeling of being appreciated and genuinely loved by someone else. Not someone that wants to change me, just to make me better and all the best I can be. To bring out my glow and shine. The one that never judge me, but take me for who I am. And all that comes with it.
I know I have my flaws, but that is whats makes me me. All my little things and gadgets. I must say that I really starting to love myself again. Not becoming Self ridged. But just more aware about how capable I really am.

I have had years where I have been unsatisfied with myself and my world. But now this winter 08, it is coming back. Everything has shifted, uplifted and brought me back to life again. I do not know how, I just feel this inside. This life is to short to regret and think about things. Action say more than thousand words. And according to Ernest Hemingway you can say it with only six words.

So here is my story; "Life is grand, so live it!"

Do remember to be grateful for everything that comes your way and never regret the things you have done. What is done it is done, and it stays in the past forever and ever!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Thursday, October 23, 2008

False or True

Things are not like they always seems. Sometimes I make things up in my head it looks like. Why is that?
So I forget some details from time to time. And it looks like it is just hurting me and myself.

Why is it hard for me to remember certain details from conversations? Is it maybe because my mind just wander of sometimes.
Just think about all the times that this has happened to me and I have not been aware about this. And all the times no one said anything. Shit, I really have to get my head together again. For real this time! I just wish that there were some way in sorting all this out. Remembering whats what and what has been said. That would help me big time from time to time.
But what would I know. I fuck things up from time to time. Those whom know me, stay with me. But those who I would love to have in my life sometimes dissapears.

I have to say that I wrote something here that got deleted, because I could not undo it back. And like I told you all my mind just keeps on wondering away. I sometimes lose all control over it. WEIRD!

But the thing that is most important today is that I did not lose anything, neither did I yesterday. Even though I thought so.
It is all in my head. For fucking sake! Get a grip woman!

So for this my new tune is; Briskar & Magitman - Hot Winter.

I have to say that all this nervousness comes from a guy. What else would it be. What could disturb a person like this except the person you have a crush on? I am just wondering. I like this guy.. And I must say that I lose some of myself when this happens.
But when I do have the time and get the time, I collect myself from the shattered pieces and get a grip over everything. Like I hope I will this time. He is a good person, with a warm heart and loving soul. If I am not mistaken, and i rarely am.
But this ship can only go one way. And that is the right one! My intuition and mind tells me things, for as my heart.
It is just that sometimes I wish I could be sure. Why do we put our heart and souls in another person like this?

I have to eat a pill i think, just to chill out from all this - I just wish I had the confident to say how much i like you instead... But there is no end or beginning to that. You would not know neither will you. But one thing is for sure and that is that I will not stop live my life!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

People

I am not really sure how to say this without me seeming cold or harsh, but some people are just to much to handle. Why do they not understand simple words? Is it me that is unclear?

These games people play. I must say that I do not really understand why. Yes, excitement is very exciting and mystery is a great fun and attractive. But in the end it will just drive someone away. I am now 26, will be 27 years in December and I am not getting younger. Even though I am not old at all. It feels like my years just fly away. My life is filled with memories of a life that I would not have been without. And me as a person would not have been the same if I did not experienced these things I have.
As it has come to me no one would be the person he or she is today if it was not for the life they have lived. All the people you meet and things that happens in one life. It has an impact on how you will be as a person. Take myself for example, I have been trough a lot. So in general I try to be a better person, but sometimes my mind just overload and I snap a little.
And I have to say that I am surprised over all the stupidity in this world we live in.

But in all this we find a place in our hearts to be happy and positive. And in my mind for as long as you stay optimistic it will all sort it selves out.
As the same for finding someone special. I am not sure about that either. To trust someone with your heart is not an easy thing to do. Neither is it for sure!
But I really hope that you guys or if you are men enough to call you men, know what you are doing. So teach what you preach and always say what you mean!
I do not know why so many of you are assholes, and I know we women do wrong sometimes as well. But we are generally just trying to be good to the one. But the things is that i wonder how you can treat a women this way. Why do you want to have a bad reputation?

Anyways we can all have bad days, but still keep it real and do not be haters!

It is all LOVE!!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Birthdays

So my dads birthday was yesterday. My minds not quiet yet. But will it ever be? In a subtle way it gives me peace to know that he is out of pain.

In the stars birthdays has a different meaning. They give an insight in somehow who you are as a person. Is this true or just assumptions?
I must say that i do believe in astrology. I know that some of them are generally in meaning. But there are some that just hit it!
There are many stories about girls who found love in a person who has the same birthday as their father. But I am not saying that it is so. I believe that love just hit you when you last expect it. Like death. Some things in life neither of us can help happening. The world always spin. Lives always happen and it is taken away. So we just go with the flow. In peace, trying to get the best out of the time we get here. It has come clear to me that nothing lasts forever..

My body and head feels like it is on pause. I do not understand this. I do not sleep, I am exhausted, but not tired. And still inside I feel happy, some kind of peace that I have not felt in years. Is this my guardian angel? Might be or it could be that I am on my way to find myself and see things clearly. Or is it that life just happens when I close my eyes?
What happens when you close your eyes? Do you see things, get signs or does someone speak to you?
I am not sure about whats what sometimes. But I know I do believe in the good in people, love, family, heart and soul. So in the end it will all be good, for the fact, it will be great!

I have never been one who celebrated my birthdays. But it gets me thinking. We should never quit on people. Let them in your life. Let people shine of you! They will be thankful, not because you have given them anything in particular. Just because you pay it forward.
I truly believe that in life I get chances, different paths and choices to make. Just think about different parties, like birthdays, Christmas, new years, socializing with your coworkers, family and friends. and the last one, the person you love, your best friend in life! The one you can always count on.

It feels like I am babbling to much. But there is a lot in my head now..

Live and Love!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Monday, October 13, 2008

Let's stay together

I know that love does not come overnight. It takes time. You meet all these people in your life. Through schools, friends, work and every other place you go.

My mom and dad (RIP) had 40 good years together. They never fought or had disagreements. They had a great marriage! The downside to this is that they will not grow old together. Since he died of cancer on the 1. of Oct 08, my mind has been blocked. But when it all quiet down at night and there is no one around me it comes back. The image of him, lying there helpless and sick.
My god i hate this illness! How can a disease break down a person like that. It does not look like the person you once knew. Cancer is an illness we have no control over. And all you can do is to be there and hope for the best!
His birthday is coming up, 15th of Oct, he would have been 62. It is to young! But he is in peace now and out of pain.

I am still sad and feeling sorrow. But as we all know life goes on. Tomorrow it is back to reality. I am actually looking forward to coming back to work. The people I work with are good, happy and positive! I am very glad for having colleagues like I do. It helps a lot when I am in this situation as I am now. And that I have been open with my friends and colleagues about this.
So for the sake of not leaving someone feeling forgotten. My friends whom are here for me, I really do appreciate all the kind words and patients you have been giving me trough this time! But I still do need all of you. I love you dearly now and forever!! I am here for you too, any time!

I still do feel lonely. It is nobodies fault, but my own. I never share these thoughts or words. But in a world like we live in we all feel lonely some times, do we not? I can even feel lonely when I am in room filled with people.


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Rest in peace Dad..

So here went a new weekend, This time around I was in Tønsberg, the town where I grew up. Visiting my family and my friends. Hooking up and dancing the night away with champagne. Had a GREAT night!

I visited my father on Friday, it has been two weeks since I saw him and the changes are huge! My heart aches and my mind do not know how to react. I do not know what to say anymore. And for you who know me, that is a first for me! It is hard to be myself and act "normal" around a person who is in so much pain. The only thing I want to do is to hold my father and tell him that everything will be alright!

And now it is, in some way. He has no more pain and died in peace.

I have spent a few days writing this, so much has happened!
My father, REST IN PEACE! Died the 1st of October. I got a call from my mom and she told me that he was worse. So my sister and I took the train home. The whole family where there, mom, my brother and sister and our aunt ( dads sister). I must say that I hate this illness, cancer. I would not wish it for my worst enemy, never! To see a person I love so much just slip away like that in front of me was like losing my heart! I wish there was something that I could do or say just to make this easier for the next person who experiences this, but there is not. The only thing that exist is hope and that you maybe will be cured. But the harsh truth is that some do die. But remember your friends and family. They love you no matter what! And your life goes on and you will never be alone!

My thoughts and love go out to all of you who have lost someone you love!!

I love you dad, now and forever! See you in our next life..


LIVESTRONG

Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Friday, September 26, 2008

Inside

For the moment I feel paralyzed. My brain and heart are non existing for now. I am walking around on automatic. So if you push me outside a cliff now I will just roll down the hill without uttering as much as an pip.

Inside it feels like my heart is made of stone. I do not know how to let me feel or open up my channels and just cry. Today I am going home to my Mom. My father is getting worse now. He has to use a wheelchair and it is heartbreaking to think about this. I am not sure how my family really handle this, because we do not talk about feelings so much.
I know that this is affecting our psyche. I feel more an more exhausted. I almost do not sleep. But I got some new sleeping pills from my doctor, so maybe I will get a full night this weekend. I have not slept an whole night in months. My mind is like a big pile of raisins, mashed together like I do not know how to describe. I really feel like just lay down and cry! My head feels like it will explode all over soon. My skeleton aches and my knees are hurting so bad that I want to cut them of right now!

And to you who read my blog, I do not know if someone do follow me and my thoughts. But I am grateful if some of you do take the time to read what I write! It has come to me that some of my friends actually do read what I write. And even feel that I speak of them. I do write about situations and the people who are in my life. So if you feel that it is you in some way, it probably is with a little twist. My intentions are not to make you feel bad, just to show you the inside of my world.
And you are all special to me, I admire and love each and every one of you! For those who do not know how to approach me because of what is happening with my father, just be my friend and be yourselves!

Appreciate!!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Live and learn

As the days goes by my mind just fly away and my appetite for life gets bigger and bigger. Do not know what is happening at the moment, but i can feel that there is something shifting inside me.

And as for me and myself things just seems weird. I am in a chocolate state of mind. Must say that some of my weaknesses here in life is the love for sweets and food. I can never turn down food. Even tho I am allergic to lactose and gluten. It has not stopped me yet. But I can feel it inside when I eat these kinds of food. But oh my so good they are! And all these cakes! Come on someone - please make a cake for us who are allergic. Like the ones that are in the deli stores, pretty please?!?

I have changed my mind a little about the written in stone comment.. Maybe not everything is, but that we get a few choices and they have a little impact on what will happen. But that some things are happening because it has to! Because I am a free spirit in my mind and I want to stay that way inside without having something reflect my actions and choices I make. This is so I can stay "free", not be bound to anything in this universe. I got this urge to be able to, in my mind, feel as there is nothing that holds me back or set a limit for what I can do here in life. But I have learned, without me being willing to it, that there is only so much you can do at one time. And this is still a little disturbing. Even though I am 26 years old now! I would love it if everything I think and thought of were already done yesterday. But it has come to me now that I do not have to do more than one thing at the time. I truly thought that I had to do it all at once. So this brought me an inner peace that I have not felt in years. I wish I had a person in my life who told me this years ago. So to all of you who do not know if you made the right choice in life. Do not think to much about it, you have so many possibilities and decisions to make ahead of you. Listen to your heart, be optimistic and smile!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Complicated

So I am complicated. Or is it just that I am different from others? I think that the reason for that is that I do adapt. Like the chameleons I change color and shape without me trying to do that. It is actually just happening. Maybe I am an alien!

It can sometimes go the other way. When I do let go and act on impulse. Some think I do or say these things because I am angry or have problems with them. But it is not like that! I have these comments about stuff. Unimportant stuff, not even enough to think about in my mind. But it has come to me that some of you might take them as criticism. That is not my intention at all. If I do have a problem with someone the person will know it. I am not afraid to speak my mind about any subject. Except when it comes to my feelings. So do not think that I have a grudge towards any of you!
And like I said, people are different. We are individuals who act and react differently. Some people smile, some do not and others have a stone face. Me on the other hand is almost always smiling. So when I do not, I am often misunderstood for being angry or cranky! I do not like that. The thing at the moment is that I am in a difficult place in my life. My father has cancer and it is starting to get to me. I can see how I do change sometimes over small things. Like my mind just want to tell you, "get over it - it is not worth complaining about 20nkr. Fuck it there is so much more important and bigger things to use that energy on!!" But I do see that some people have to sweat the small stuff. But please come on. Do not let that take over your lives!

I will take a step back and chill out. But yes, I guess I am kind of complicated - I am just human and a little weird.

LIVESTRONG!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Saturday, September 20, 2008

True or false?

So it is weekend and people are making plans to do whatever. I live with these people who are extremely weird sometimes.
It is like I said before - you never really know the people around you.
We put on a facade, some do it cold and others are just false! The worst a person ever can be is false. I will never understand how you can use another person for your own gain without giving something back!

So with saying this and mentioning my roommates has nothing to do with each other! I just read an ebook about "How to keep a man interested in you". And I do live with four men!
I am guessing this goes for friends and vice versa. If you take a look at your friendships it is like dating. We wine and dine all these people to keep them close. But why do we have to do all this work? I get that nothing is for free. But a friend should be a friend no matter what. And especially when a person goes trough a hard time in life!
I am not saying that my friends are not. But some might take to much distant! It is hard enough trying not to break down everywhere. And I can see myself that I have put on this mask for you all! Trying to make you believe that everything is cool. But as you would know - and as you will know now, it is not! It is just sad that I have to tell you all. Not having people in my life seeing this.

Anyways this is not me wanting you to start doing this now. But if you feel it, it is probably true. And I am not trying to get people to change. Because I am far from perfect myself. But I wish i were better at staying in touch with the people i care about! So I have to say to you all - you must know i love you all dearly, you are always in my head and heart! And you know who you are. It is not like I have a million friends. I have a few. And a lot of acquaintances.
For making my own life easier and more pleasant I will try to sort out the things in life i do not need. The negative influences and headaches. Because as I said before there is a lot in this head of mine! I do not know where it all comes from. But with writing I am getting some of it out and away. And the best of this is that I can go back and read about it. And then think - what? Was I for real?

It said in this ebook that women often have a tendency to get to "needy" even though you are a confident strong women! But why do we have to play all these games? I understand that in the beginning of things it is exciting and thrilling. But as time goes by it should be more clear. You are with the person you want to share your life with - I am so for excitement and surprises! And not letting your relationship fit in a box. But be honest!
It said that when a guy says that he is not ready to commit, it is because the women he is with is not the women he wants to be with. I back that up! I truly believe that. And as a women myself it is true. I have also used that line. And the reason being exactly what the men are saying.
But if you thought otherwise, and I really hope you did not. You all know the truth and it goes for both men and women! No exceptions!

We are all looking for love, someone to share our life and dreams with. So why not try a little honesty the next time.


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Friday, September 19, 2008

Maya-Aztec

So this is me
I can not say anything else but - Oh my this is ME!!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Heritage

Where do I come from? You might know where you come from, but this is not a given.

As i keep wondering about this. It is starting to annoy me a little. I have all these questions, but no one to ask them to.
Here is the story so far: My Korean name is Kim, Hwa Yoo and I am adopted from South Korea. Came to Norway when i was almost 3,5 years old. From the first two years of my life there is no knowledge of where I spent my life. It says in my papers that I was found in Busan. That is the second largest city in South Korea. I would love to know more about where i come from and what my genes are!
I keep wondering about if I have more siblings out here. Or is it just me?

Of course I have my family here in Norway. And I have a sister who is adopted from South Korea as well. But she is satisfied with being "Norwegian". Me on the other hand is not. I don not feel Norwegian even though I speak fluent Norwegian and have a Norwegian passport. I do not feel home in this culture. But I do adapt like i always do. I found out over the years that that is something I am really good at actually. So I live my life to the fullest and try not to miss out on anything I want to do. Living for the moment and not thinking about the consequences at all times. As I come back to this I really want to have my own family, start my own tree! This is something that is in my heart! And my family values are high. I will do anything for my family. And as things are now my mind is with my mom, little sister, little brother and father. I wish there was something I could do or say. But I can only be here, trying to get to know them better. Keeping things as "normal"as can be and spreading my optimistic nature.
I love all my family so much that it is hard for me seeing them like this! We all struggle in our own way...


Copyright © 2008 Lady Ahy

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Love

Why is this so hard to find. Is it because I only speak of it and never put my words into action?

In my whole life I have been looking and I still do. All these chats with my friends. None of us are getting wiser. It is hard to understand love. You have to meet the person when the light is green - go green! So tell me now you who read this: Why is it so?

I have been thinking that it is me who is looking for the wrong person. But what is right and what is wrong in this matter. Is there an answer to that? You have to share something, but still learn from the other person. It is important to me that the significant other challenges my mind. I am a talker, but I do babble a lot sometimes. I need someone who stands up for me and dears to say against me. Someone who do not misunderstands my words and actions. I have a certain way. Some say I am complicated. I say that I am not. If you really know me you will not think that. Because the things I say and do are sometimes just a response or a fact. Not me trying to "cut of your hand." I am easily misunderstood and i see that in my friends at time. The ones who think that I do things because I am angry or pissed. But I am not. In general I except a lot. More than you would think. I just have certain comments that I can not stop. I am now working on them, because they are becoming more and more clear to me.

And all these thoughts - where do they all come from? I have my mind filled with stuff. Sometimes it is so much that I do not know what is reality and whats not. And the people who say they know me so well. I do not know really. You say you do and still my intuition tells me you think of me otherwise. Maybe it is my mind playing tricks on me.
This should not me difficult! I met a friend I have not seen in years yesterday. It was like nothing have changed. She has a boyfriend and said that it had never been so "easy". It was no games and complicated stuff. And it came to me that that is how it should be. There should not be a lot of problems. Then when you know it is wrong!

But what do I know - I am single!

I have a lot of people contacting me again after years not seeing them. It is a little weird. I keep wondering why? My antennas are non existing. So if you do not just want to be my friend. Tell me straight! But also do not take this literary! I do not wonder if all of you want something more. I do often misunderstand these sign for friendship. Because in my little world everybody just wanna be friends.
There are often elderly men stopping me at the street and asks if we can go for coffee or home to my place. What is up with that? What do I look like? I am curious!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Monday, September 15, 2008

Thoughts...

I do not know why I think so much. At times my mind just take over and goes wild. I have all these thoughts and things in my head and it is starting to crush my persona.
Everybody has stories, thoughts, family, illness, happiness, love, friends and so on. But some people are good at not letting stuff get to them. How do you do this? Is it something they have inside or is it something you learn over years.

And the difference between men and women! Man they are huge. I was out on a Sunday stroll yesterday with a friend of mine. He has both his legs and a head on the top. He told me things that I have not been thinking about. As that you can not be friends with your ex when you are a guy! So all of you guys who are "best friends" with your ex, is that because you want to have some sort of control? And if you keep having sex with your ex you are still in some kind of relationship?

He also have good values and a good job. Getting youngsters to understand why they should not use drugs. He is a project manager in a new position. Made from youth organizations. As he travels around to Stockholm, London and other cities for conventions and listen to different people talk about how to keep youngsters away from drugs. When we went to school they had a project called "From Heaven To Hell". Where police tried to scare us to not try drugs. I will not say that it worked. Because I think that people that works with that should have experience.
It is easier for young people to see whats what if you show them reality! In these days I think a lot of people agree to that. They also know that if you do not have a network around you you can easily hit rock bottom! But where do the limit go?

As for myself I truly think that a person will try and do whatever he or she wants. Not thinking about the consequences during that time. But maybe open their eyes after a while and see. That people do go under, some die and some live their whole life as drug addicts. Others will go trough life without the people around them even knowing about their "wildlife".
These people has in others eyes just experienced with drugs. And people say, "I knew you would be alright. You are a strong person." That is just a comforting thought for yourselves!

When you think you know someone. Do you really ever? I am wondering about that so often that it has almost taken over my whole brain. I have people, friends, exes and family that say they know me. But I am not sure they do. Why do they not see how I am feeling? I know that some of it may be my own fault. Because I come out as a strong, harsh and cold person. But as i said before, I have feelings. I am a sensitive person. I am not as strong as everybody thinks. But they get this perception of me because I always smile. So I have to let my guard down. Let them see the real me. How do you do this?

I have been trough so much in my short life. I have seen the dark side of life. Looked into peoples darkest places. It is not a pleasant thing! But i still live. Like they say, I am "strong". But what defines strong? Is it that you have to experience horrible things?
That is not right. Some things that I have been trough I would not wish for my enemy! And this time around it is seeing my father getting more and more sick. It is heartbreaking! But it also gives me a new perspective to life. And i know that there is a lot of people whom i know that been through the same. Life goes on whatever. It is a harsh cold world! But it is for the sake of the people around us we do that. I known people who laid down and died because they lost their loved ones. When you only have one other person in life it is hard to go on with your life. I truly understand that!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Time

What are we going to do about it all. Is it written in stone? All the things that happens to a person in life.

Are we all just pieces in a pod?

As the time goes by I keep wondering about all the incidents in life. All the things we go trough in one life. All the people we meet. There is a reason for all this I think. If you go back in time you find the thin red line and see how it all connects. Do not forget to remember whats what in between those lines. Every time you meet a new person, move, change your profession and break something off. It is because there is something to it. Something that is waiting for you to find it. I search and search - for people, LOVE, heritage, a place to be me and a world that is in harmony.
It is all question mark that I do not understand. I thought I did, but it hit me in the back and told me the truth. You never know someone! It is an unseen world in another dimension that I just do not get. But this is what it is. The time we spend in our everyday life to try to get it. But do we ever really get it?

I think as time passes by we adapt. Just accept things and situations, words and people. I have a problem with just accepting. I have the urge to know why, where and when. Some say I think to much. Other say i talk to much. I think neither. I am just me and no one else. It is to hard to try to be someone else. I often say things just to get an reaction. But it is just things. If someone would take the time to sit down and really talk to me they would be surprised. But would they ever know the real me?


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Family, Life and Love.

For this is the most precious you have in life. Do not think otherwise! Let them always know that!

Especially in hard times like these. You need family and good friends. Do not think that you get through this alone as i do.. Because that is not true! I sit at times, both home and at work. Thinking about my situation. My feelings inside, I can feel my tears in my eyes. But what to i do? Nothing - i swallow this with "pride" and pretend. BUT I'm done pretending! I can not go around pretending to be a superwoman - though I am from time to time. But this is bringing back a lot of old feelings and thoughts.

I know that we are all human. And last night my mom told me that my grandma told her; " there are two things that are certain in life and that is that we are born and that we are going to die." And then she said something like this; "When you are dead you are hidden, but not forgotten."
That made me feel a little better. Because i have to say that i have not been often at the graves of those who i lost in life.That is not because i do not want to, but I am kind of afraid. For my own feelings and reactions. So i have to learn to let go of my controlling being and let it rip.

So I am not happy at all time - I am actually very often sad and feeling misplaced.
But i dearly love my family and friends! So know this i will always be here, through good, bad, happiness and sadness! Anytime, anywhere!

Love you all!!

We live in this world. Go around scraping the bottom for crumbs. It's strange. All the things that happens to a person in a life. But it's all part of the bigger sense. We're all a part in a world we really don't know. From time to time you stop and think about others. They look happy - i hope they are! It's the best feeling ever. Enjoying life like you should!
The one thing we all should be on is LOVE. Remember the people who touched you in life. This is what keeps us going. So smile to the people around you and let love in your life!
So as i, a person who thinks a lot. Doesn't express my feelings. But i hope you all know! Deeply in sorrow, but still alive - stay happy. Live life to the fullest. Don't regret anything!

Is this a thing we all should expect from another person? Or is it maybe only ourselves who can give us love. I keep wondering about this as the single lady i am. Isn't it fair to give out a little love to everybody. Smile to the people you meet. Let sunshine in your everyday life.

I read an article about flirting. And it said that we all should flirt every day. But that there is a line we shouldn't cross. For example, don't send out to many signs at once. This is a little disturbing. How do you know when you crossed that line?
They say that body language says all. But does it really? People act different and we are individuals. It's hard to see what you mean. We fool ourselves with analyzing and thoughts. But the dreams are important to maintain! Don't let anyone take your dreams away! Go for the things you want. Let no one stand in your way!
Do trust in the peolple around you - but know that in the end it's only you who can decide your own destiny.
Be thinking positive thoughts and stay optimistic. Then it's all like a flowing river..


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY