Inside

For the moment I feel paralyzed. My brain and heart are non existing for now. I am walking around on automatic. So if you push me outside a cliff now I will just roll down the hill without uttering as much as an pip.

Inside it feels like my heart is made of stone. I do not know how to let me feel or open up my channels and just cry. Today I am going home to my Mom. My father is getting worse now. He has to use a wheelchair and it is heartbreaking to think about this. I am not sure how my family really handle this, because we do not talk about feelings so much.
I know that this is affecting our psyche. I feel more an more exhausted. I almost do not sleep. But I got some new sleeping pills from my doctor, so maybe I will get a full night this weekend. I have not slept an whole night in months. My mind is like a big pile of raisins, mashed together like I do not know how to describe. I really feel like just lay down and cry! My head feels like it will explode all over soon. My skeleton aches and my knees are hurting so bad that I want to cut them of right now!

And to you who read my blog, I do not know if someone do follow me and my thoughts. But I am grateful if some of you do take the time to read what I write! It has come to me that some of my friends actually do read what I write. And even feel that I speak of them. I do write about situations and the people who are in my life. So if you feel that it is you in some way, it probably is with a little twist. My intentions are not to make you feel bad, just to show you the inside of my world.
And you are all special to me, I admire and love each and every one of you! For those who do not know how to approach me because of what is happening with my father, just be my friend and be yourselves!

Appreciate!!


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