Still waiting..

Is it all worth it in the end I wonder. All this agony inside and analyzing I do. Will it make the wait worth wile?

Still I do promise myself that I would set these boundaries and demand a certain respect. But maybe I am to fast to judge a situation? I often hear this from my mom, she says that I stress to much. So when I do take a deep breath and stop I see it clearly. This fast moving phase, like a shadow of reality. How can I always do this? Is it in my nature to chase?
But when I think about it, I also am patient. Like with the people whom I care for. I accept a lot, maybe sometimes to much. But I may have lost some time perspective. My mind is kind of in a haze. And my thoughts just fly away like the wind. As can I say for myself. I am really good at just moving on. Not looking back, but just ahead. Yes it could be the best thing or ability, but what about when I do it to fast. Certain things and situations in life could be different just with a click. What if I never was adopted. Would my life then be different from now? Would I still be my optimistic self? With my walk-trough-the-wall attitude and everything will be alright?

It seems sometimes that all I do in this life is waiting. But life is kind of a queue, is it not? You wait nine months before seeing the outside of the womb. Then you wait for schools, being a teenager, getting 18 or some countries 21, so work, finding a companion, starting a family and in the end to die. But in between we do this thing call life, take in experiences, meet friends and see the world for what it is. Some people do settle for less, but is really less more? Why be pleased with knowing that it could have been so much more. And when will I know that it is enough?

Is this my limit, have I reach it now this time around? Is this when I say fuck this and move on?


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