Everyday struggle..

Life does take me by surprise some times. It's like there's someone taking control and moving me around like a puppet doll. Do this, say so, don 't eat that and smile!

Not that my life is being controlled by any means. It's just that I have an tendency to be a shape shifter, like the chameleon. I have a lot of friends that are really different from me. But that isn't something I have on my "yes-list". I always admire people for the individuality they bring to the table. And I would never ask of another person to change in some way. If I don't like a person, I rather not spend any of my time with them. You can't like everybody you meet.

But this isn't about the people I don't like, but the ones I do! I have a special one, that means a lot to me and that I let under my skin. And like I said before, I'm not so comfortable with that really. Letting my guard down is something I haven't done in years. I'll admit that every time I so much as think about it, my organs turns themselves and cry! So this is not something that comes easy to me, no no no no!
It's like my everyday struggle. For some this is nothing, just a piece in the pond. But for me, this mask is almost like my best friend. For all my life I've worn it, from I woke up till I go to bed at night. I Wonder sometimes if my friends knows the real me. Or just a perception of what I am?

So maybe I have to open up more, is that the conclusion in this? Or is it that I don't trust anyone enough to really let them in?
So now you can wonder or you can choose or you can still just give a shit!

Tomorrow I'm going home to my mom, chill out and spend some time with my hero! And Saturday will bring the TT ladies back in business once again. It's been too long! Mariann has her birthday and there's a party on, so we do our asses clean and fresh!
Love y'all!!!




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