Is It You..

Why are things complicated, or is it really? Is it just that I am not used to things being easy. Is it that in my life there has always been struggle. So now when the pieces just fit it is hard to take it for what it is worth.

Will this then be my underground? My self digging struggle between what is reality and what is not. I am not sure what is what. But in the end I just have to trust the people around me. And believe that their intentions are good. Because if I do think otherwise I just get sad and hurt. But I have becoming extremely good at shutting things out. Like my feelings and people. I always had this conclusion that it is best to just move on. So I do. But sometimes I do judge a situation a little bit to fast. So I have to learn this. I see myself from outside and think why do I think these thoughts. It has never been my strongest side, showing my feelings and letting others know what I feel.

So this snaps me back to reality, it is cold and harsh. But it is hard for me to see the real you sometimes. Because my mind play these tricks on me. Like putting ideas in my head that are non existing. This is where I see why the people I know say that I am complicated. It is not something I choose to be. I try and try not to. But there is somethings that I just can not control. I am working with myself on this subject, so I am aware. And I know that it is something that will pass.

But sometimes I just feel left out. I get this feeling of not belonging anywhere. I do not like this. It gives me headaches and makes me sad and locked down. And when I do do this, go inside myself I see all the things that are bad. Yes, I do still love myself like I wrote earlier. Now more than ever. I am also more secure in myself. And I do know what I am capable of. But some people just do not see this I guess. My Insecurity and doubts. Because from the outside I am an independent lady with a voice that is heard. I have these meanings that would irritate a stone. But do not use this against me. I do, and I can swear on this. Accept people for who they are. I would never change a person nor would I want someone to be like me. I like the unique mix of people. The small things that makes you you. I just want this to work out. Now that I finally feel kind of complete. It gives me a satisfaction and peace inside that I have been searching for.

There is to much inside this head of mine from time to time. But when time passes and you learn to know me this will not be a problem. Even so it is not a problem now I know that. I just need conformations. Not all the time. Yes, and I do know that you can never promise anything for sure. But just the knowing of that it is you!


Copyright © 200 Lady AhY

False or True

Things are not like they always seems. Sometimes I make things up in my head it looks like. Why is that?
So I forget some details from time to time. And it looks like it is just hurting me and myself.

Why is it hard for me to remember certain details from conversations? Is it maybe because my mind just wander of sometimes.
Just think about all the times that this has happened to me and I have not been aware about this. And all the times no one said anything. Shit, I really have to get my head together again. For real this time! I just wish that there were some way in sorting all this out. Remembering whats what and what has been said. That would help me big time from time to time.
But what would I know. I fuck things up from time to time. Those whom know me, stay with me. But those who I would love to have in my life sometimes dissapears.

I have to say that I wrote something here that got deleted, because I could not undo it back. And like I told you all my mind just keeps on wondering away. I sometimes lose all control over it. WEIRD!

But the thing that is most important today is that I did not lose anything, neither did I yesterday. Even though I thought so.
It is all in my head. For fucking sake! Get a grip woman!

So for this my new tune is; Briskar & Magitman - Hot Winter.

I have to say that all this nervousness comes from a guy. What else would it be. What could disturb a person like this except the person you have a crush on? I am just wondering. I like this guy.. And I must say that I lose some of myself when this happens.
But when I do have the time and get the time, I collect myself from the shattered pieces and get a grip over everything. Like I hope I will this time. He is a good person, with a warm heart and loving soul. If I am not mistaken, and i rarely am.
But this ship can only go one way. And that is the right one! My intuition and mind tells me things, for as my heart.
It is just that sometimes I wish I could be sure. Why do we put our heart and souls in another person like this?

I have to eat a pill i think, just to chill out from all this - I just wish I had the confident to say how much i like you instead... But there is no end or beginning to that. You would not know neither will you. But one thing is for sure and that is that I will not stop live my life!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

People

I am not really sure how to say this without me seeming cold or harsh, but some people are just to much to handle. Why do they not understand simple words? Is it me that is unclear?

These games people play. I must say that I do not really understand why. Yes, excitement is very exciting and mystery is a great fun and attractive. But in the end it will just drive someone away. I am now 26, will be 27 years in December and I am not getting younger. Even though I am not old at all. It feels like my years just fly away. My life is filled with memories of a life that I would not have been without. And me as a person would not have been the same if I did not experienced these things I have.
As it has come to me no one would be the person he or she is today if it was not for the life they have lived. All the people you meet and things that happens in one life. It has an impact on how you will be as a person. Take myself for example, I have been trough a lot. So in general I try to be a better person, but sometimes my mind just overload and I snap a little.
And I have to say that I am surprised over all the stupidity in this world we live in.

But in all this we find a place in our hearts to be happy and positive. And in my mind for as long as you stay optimistic it will all sort it selves out.
As the same for finding someone special. I am not sure about that either. To trust someone with your heart is not an easy thing to do. Neither is it for sure!
But I really hope that you guys or if you are men enough to call you men, know what you are doing. So teach what you preach and always say what you mean!
I do not know why so many of you are assholes, and I know we women do wrong sometimes as well. But we are generally just trying to be good to the one. But the things is that i wonder how you can treat a women this way. Why do you want to have a bad reputation?

Anyways we can all have bad days, but still keep it real and do not be haters!

It is all LOVE!!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

True or false?

So it is weekend and people are making plans to do whatever. I live with these people who are extremely weird sometimes.
It is like I said before - you never really know the people around you.
We put on a facade, some do it cold and others are just false! The worst a person ever can be is false. I will never understand how you can use another person for your own gain without giving something back!

So with saying this and mentioning my roommates has nothing to do with each other! I just read an ebook about "How to keep a man interested in you". And I do live with four men!
I am guessing this goes for friends and vice versa. If you take a look at your friendships it is like dating. We wine and dine all these people to keep them close. But why do we have to do all this work? I get that nothing is for free. But a friend should be a friend no matter what. And especially when a person goes trough a hard time in life!
I am not saying that my friends are not. But some might take to much distant! It is hard enough trying not to break down everywhere. And I can see myself that I have put on this mask for you all! Trying to make you believe that everything is cool. But as you would know - and as you will know now, it is not! It is just sad that I have to tell you all. Not having people in my life seeing this.

Anyways this is not me wanting you to start doing this now. But if you feel it, it is probably true. And I am not trying to get people to change. Because I am far from perfect myself. But I wish i were better at staying in touch with the people i care about! So I have to say to you all - you must know i love you all dearly, you are always in my head and heart! And you know who you are. It is not like I have a million friends. I have a few. And a lot of acquaintances.
For making my own life easier and more pleasant I will try to sort out the things in life i do not need. The negative influences and headaches. Because as I said before there is a lot in this head of mine! I do not know where it all comes from. But with writing I am getting some of it out and away. And the best of this is that I can go back and read about it. And then think - what? Was I for real?

It said in this ebook that women often have a tendency to get to "needy" even though you are a confident strong women! But why do we have to play all these games? I understand that in the beginning of things it is exciting and thrilling. But as time goes by it should be more clear. You are with the person you want to share your life with - I am so for excitement and surprises! And not letting your relationship fit in a box. But be honest!
It said that when a guy says that he is not ready to commit, it is because the women he is with is not the women he wants to be with. I back that up! I truly believe that. And as a women myself it is true. I have also used that line. And the reason being exactly what the men are saying.
But if you thought otherwise, and I really hope you did not. You all know the truth and it goes for both men and women! No exceptions!

We are all looking for love, someone to share our life and dreams with. So why not try a little honesty the next time.


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY