Back to reality

After Ester it all goes back to the way it were. To be honest it's a little boring at the moment. Life seems to stand completely still and there's no challenges in my days anymore. I'm guessing I'm in a kind of a Cul De Sac and that things get brighter soon. There's no end to my endless optimism as you who knows me know. So I just get back in the game.

I've spent my Easter in Tønsberg with my mom, sister (Annemette) and brother (Petter). We had an Easter with lamb roast and one driving certificate less. All in all it's been a good one. I loved that we were together! My brother and I had a long talk after Saturday night out. We sat in the kitchen and talked about dad, mom and just things. I really miss dad and being home and finding a Christmas card from him that I'd gotten years ago made me remember him like he was before the cancer. I got this image in my head and when I think of him now that's what I see. And it makes me happy, because before I just saw this awful image of a sick man lying in bed. It didn't look like dad at all. He's my hero in so many ways, but still I do feel that I didn't know him.
My brother said that to my sister and I, when we talked about presents and such. But when I think of this, it's somewhat true. But we all have to put in a little afford to get to know people. I do feel like no one really knows the real me. I'm thinking that they have a perception of me, but I'm not sure if it's the real me or not. I'm guessing you whom are reading this knows me better than a lot of friends and family. But I am what you see, except that I'm not as cold as many of you think. Even tho I come forward as a person without feelings that always smile, there's a lot hidden behind my mask. In fact I'm very often sad and feeling lonely. And for me it's hard to bring myself to tell the people in my life this. I don't want to be a burden to anyone and I do feel that that's exactly what I am when I nag about problems. I also knows that this is not always the case, but it's how I feel.

I MISS YOU....




Copyright © 2009 Lady AhY

Beauty - Is It In The Eye Of The Beholder?

I've read trough many articles that state different things about this subject. I'm guessing that it has to do with us being humans, and we seldom has the same opinions if it's not really obvious.

Like a pretty face is always a pretty face. But Beauty can come from the inside. It always does. If you take a look around and see the people walking around you. There are beautiful faces, but some changes when you speak with them. Their soul shines trough if it's a good person. Often I've spoken to a person that I think is incredible beautiful, but when he/she talks, it's not the same image anymore. Sometimes it's taken away or the person suddenly shines in front of you. The thing I'm saying is that a person with a good soul, is always beautiful no matter what! Because you see the good in their eyes from their soul! In the end it's not so much what other thinks about your significant other, but how you two are together! It's easy being carried away when you hear your friends opinion. But the only thing they should be worried about is, does he/she makes you happy?

I've been trough my share of bad relationships and still kept a few of them in my life afterwards. That's not good for either of you. I can only speak for myself, but when you've had deep feelings for a person, they're always gonna have a special place in your heart. I'm not the best at relationships, but I still know what I want in a man! The things I look for is the feeling of being complete and loved for all that I'm worth. That's to much to demand, but it's not really. This isn't a demand, but something that should be no matter what. Of course is the fit important. It has to be a person you want to spend your time with. An someone who's worth the time. So that in the end, you know that they would go trough fire for you!

I'm from a good home, with a marriage that would have lasted their lives if it wouldn't have been for my dad dieing from cancer. They've had been together for almost 40 years. Been trough their share of difficulties, like me when I grew up, stubborn and not easy to live with. So for me it's kind of hard to live up to the standards or finding someone who does.. And my mom says to me that I think about this to much. But for me family values are important. Show the people in your life that you appreciate them! With the small things..

So tell me what you think of this..




Copyright © 2009 Lady AhY

Valentine.. <3

So happiness is it. When you think of a person and you smile, I'm guessing it's right. And all the drama you create inside yourself it's all you.

So for this day I wish you all a happy valentine! Get at your loved one, friends, family and show them that you care. Ain't nothing as good as the feeling of appreciation and love. And together it's the best ever! Just to have a person in my life that cares for me. Likes the small things about me, when I smile, when I'm happy, when I talk and just wants to be with me. Travel the world, experience new things, don't be afraid to take a chance.
I've done this now. It's a little scary to be honest, but for the sake of things it feels right. Like the world around me stands still. And that there's nothing stopping us! So I'm guessing it's the same for you! We with our big plans. I'm loving it - I'm the big dreamer and some of my friends and family just look at me with The eyes. They've given up on me sometimes it feels like. But I'll show you all, it's my life and I'm the lead in this motion picture! So now I'm in good company!

And for you whom it might concern, let people be people, don't try to change them. Appreciate them for themselves! In each every one of us there's a force that thrives us. Towards our goals, lives, experiences and where we should be. Just take it all in and process it. So your life can go on.
Nevertheless open your heart and just do it! There's nothing to lose, this is it! So now for real this time - I'll do this! And to be honest - I'm scared shit less, because I'm going outside my safe box! But I only live once.. So I'm gonna keep the good one!!!




Copyright © 2009 Lady AhY

Christmas Circus..

Now it's the time to get into spirit. As for myself I have a bit to go just yet. But the cookies and candy are in it's place! And for the gifts that's another story peoples!

Yesterday Lena and I was out shopping and as always I ended up buying a lot of stuff for myself. I did buy some gifts, but I guess it is time to realize that gift's aren't my strongest side! I wish it was. But maybe it's that I'm fastidious?! It's not that I demand the perfect gift, but when I buy something for another person I want that person to be happy. And yes, maybe they always are. But I don't know..
Anyways i bought some, to my mom, sister and Monica. I still got my brother left. It's hard buying something for an 18 year old. But I have a little idea of what. But they didn't have it in the store. so I wait. And you know how patient I am! MAN!
And all these people who run around the city crazy for not getting it all done in time. You walk in line, stand in line and think in line. It kind of reminds me of a circus sometimes! Nevertheless all the cry babies. And that's not all meant for the babies, it's the ones whom are a little elder you know.
At times it seems like Christmas always brings out the craziness, but don't get me wrong. It's good times too!

As I work at a gym I see all the early bird special peoples who actually do exercise in the morning, and we're talking 7am peoples! I admire all of you who actually get your asses up and running so early. Yes I'm here too, but I just sit here and smile.

And so comes Christmas, every year it sneaks up on me. Like I didn't know it and suddenly it's here.

This year Christmas is not the same, it's the first one without dad. Not that we haven't celebrated Christmas without him before. He was a Captain on a boat, so he had every other summer and Christmas at home. But it's different this year around, because he's not coming back at all. I'm sad, but I know that he's in peace now and that helps me trough the days. And he wouldn't wish that I'd go around and be sad all the time either. He just wants me to be happy and do my best. And I do think a lot about him and the rest of my family. It's sad not having a dad to ask for advice. But I still have my mom and other family around me. But when I see others with their dads and TV-shows and what not I feel it in my stomach! Like a big stone just sinking down trough my insides!
I miss and love you dad!!

But I know that everything will be alright, like the song from The Killers.



Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Birthdays

So my dads birthday was yesterday. My minds not quiet yet. But will it ever be? In a subtle way it gives me peace to know that he is out of pain.

In the stars birthdays has a different meaning. They give an insight in somehow who you are as a person. Is this true or just assumptions?
I must say that i do believe in astrology. I know that some of them are generally in meaning. But there are some that just hit it!
There are many stories about girls who found love in a person who has the same birthday as their father. But I am not saying that it is so. I believe that love just hit you when you last expect it. Like death. Some things in life neither of us can help happening. The world always spin. Lives always happen and it is taken away. So we just go with the flow. In peace, trying to get the best out of the time we get here. It has come clear to me that nothing lasts forever..

My body and head feels like it is on pause. I do not understand this. I do not sleep, I am exhausted, but not tired. And still inside I feel happy, some kind of peace that I have not felt in years. Is this my guardian angel? Might be or it could be that I am on my way to find myself and see things clearly. Or is it that life just happens when I close my eyes?
What happens when you close your eyes? Do you see things, get signs or does someone speak to you?
I am not sure about whats what sometimes. But I know I do believe in the good in people, love, family, heart and soul. So in the end it will all be good, for the fact, it will be great!

I have never been one who celebrated my birthdays. But it gets me thinking. We should never quit on people. Let them in your life. Let people shine of you! They will be thankful, not because you have given them anything in particular. Just because you pay it forward.
I truly believe that in life I get chances, different paths and choices to make. Just think about different parties, like birthdays, Christmas, new years, socializing with your coworkers, family and friends. and the last one, the person you love, your best friend in life! The one you can always count on.

It feels like I am babbling to much. But there is a lot in my head now..

Live and Love!


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY

Family, Life and Love.

For this is the most precious you have in life. Do not think otherwise! Let them always know that!

Especially in hard times like these. You need family and good friends. Do not think that you get through this alone as i do.. Because that is not true! I sit at times, both home and at work. Thinking about my situation. My feelings inside, I can feel my tears in my eyes. But what to i do? Nothing - i swallow this with "pride" and pretend. BUT I'm done pretending! I can not go around pretending to be a superwoman - though I am from time to time. But this is bringing back a lot of old feelings and thoughts.

I know that we are all human. And last night my mom told me that my grandma told her; " there are two things that are certain in life and that is that we are born and that we are going to die." And then she said something like this; "When you are dead you are hidden, but not forgotten."
That made me feel a little better. Because i have to say that i have not been often at the graves of those who i lost in life.That is not because i do not want to, but I am kind of afraid. For my own feelings and reactions. So i have to learn to let go of my controlling being and let it rip.

So I am not happy at all time - I am actually very often sad and feeling misplaced.
But i dearly love my family and friends! So know this i will always be here, through good, bad, happiness and sadness! Anytime, anywhere!

Love you all!!

We live in this world. Go around scraping the bottom for crumbs. It's strange. All the things that happens to a person in a life. But it's all part of the bigger sense. We're all a part in a world we really don't know. From time to time you stop and think about others. They look happy - i hope they are! It's the best feeling ever. Enjoying life like you should!
The one thing we all should be on is LOVE. Remember the people who touched you in life. This is what keeps us going. So smile to the people around you and let love in your life!
So as i, a person who thinks a lot. Doesn't express my feelings. But i hope you all know! Deeply in sorrow, but still alive - stay happy. Live life to the fullest. Don't regret anything!

Is this a thing we all should expect from another person? Or is it maybe only ourselves who can give us love. I keep wondering about this as the single lady i am. Isn't it fair to give out a little love to everybody. Smile to the people you meet. Let sunshine in your everyday life.

I read an article about flirting. And it said that we all should flirt every day. But that there is a line we shouldn't cross. For example, don't send out to many signs at once. This is a little disturbing. How do you know when you crossed that line?
They say that body language says all. But does it really? People act different and we are individuals. It's hard to see what you mean. We fool ourselves with analyzing and thoughts. But the dreams are important to maintain! Don't let anyone take your dreams away! Go for the things you want. Let no one stand in your way!
Do trust in the peolple around you - but know that in the end it's only you who can decide your own destiny.
Be thinking positive thoughts and stay optimistic. Then it's all like a flowing river..


Copyright © 2008 Lady AhY