Love

Why is this so hard to find. Is it because I only speak of it and never put my words into action?

In my whole life I have been looking and I still do. All these chats with my friends. None of us are getting wiser. It is hard to understand love. You have to meet the person when the light is green - go green! So tell me now you who read this: Why is it so?

I have been thinking that it is me who is looking for the wrong person. But what is right and what is wrong in this matter. Is there an answer to that? You have to share something, but still learn from the other person. It is important to me that the significant other challenges my mind. I am a talker, but I do babble a lot sometimes. I need someone who stands up for me and dears to say against me. Someone who do not misunderstands my words and actions. I have a certain way. Some say I am complicated. I say that I am not. If you really know me you will not think that. Because the things I say and do are sometimes just a response or a fact. Not me trying to "cut of your hand." I am easily misunderstood and i see that in my friends at time. The ones who think that I do things because I am angry or pissed. But I am not. In general I except a lot. More than you would think. I just have certain comments that I can not stop. I am now working on them, because they are becoming more and more clear to me.

And all these thoughts - where do they all come from? I have my mind filled with stuff. Sometimes it is so much that I do not know what is reality and whats not. And the people who say they know me so well. I do not know really. You say you do and still my intuition tells me you think of me otherwise. Maybe it is my mind playing tricks on me.
This should not me difficult! I met a friend I have not seen in years yesterday. It was like nothing have changed. She has a boyfriend and said that it had never been so "easy". It was no games and complicated stuff. And it came to me that that is how it should be. There should not be a lot of problems. Then when you know it is wrong!

But what do I know - I am single!

I have a lot of people contacting me again after years not seeing them. It is a little weird. I keep wondering why? My antennas are non existing. So if you do not just want to be my friend. Tell me straight! But also do not take this literary! I do not wonder if all of you want something more. I do often misunderstand these sign for friendship. Because in my little world everybody just wanna be friends.
There are often elderly men stopping me at the street and asks if we can go for coffee or home to my place. What is up with that? What do I look like? I am curious!


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